4 Aalesund 39
5 Odd Grenland 38
6 Strømsgodset 37
7 Start 35
8 Haugesund 35
9 Viking 34
10 Lillestrøm 33
11 Stabæk 33

As you can see, seven teams are still within reach of that glorious fourth place. When will the excitement stop?!?! Answer: On the 7th of November. Until then, let’s review how we got to this amazing stand-off

Saturday 25th of September:

Molde has had their ups and downs the last couple of years, but they’ve finally found back to their success formula (for certain values of “success”): Play nice, entertaining football, but don’t actually score many, if any goals. This formula is what Molde’s really been about for most of the last decade, and it’s good to see them do what they do best. Meanwhile, Lillestrøm are being determined to stand out in any manner possible this season. They did did gain a lead on Molde at Åråsen, but then decided that “OK, we’ll be the team with most draws” (by far the least prestigious football award, but hey, what else can they possibly shoot for at this point), and allowed Molde to score an equaliser for 1-1. Either that, or they just felt sorry for Molde trying and trying and trying without quite getting there.

Sunday 26th of September

Odd Grenland seems to be achieving the one thing they’ve pretty much never ever had before in the Tippeliga: To have a very good fall season. OK, so their opponents haven’t exactly been the biggest threats (I mean, Stabæk? Come on.), but three victories in a row is still good. Even stranger is how they’re doing this without Peter Kovacs, or buying anyone to replace him. It seemed an impossible task, since Kovacs was pretty much the only real striker they had. Or so it appeared.

But then again, Odd Grenland had been hiding this 18-year old kid on the roster named Torgeir Børven, who were just itching to make an impact. Against Sandefjord, he did. In fact, he made four impacts (including a really great run that ended with a nice and arrogant chip over the keeper, and one perfectly executed penalty), to be precise. Combined with how he’s scored in three league matches in a row now, and you understand that we’ve got an exciting new striker in the Tippeliga. Fredrik Semb Berge added a fifth and final goal to make it 5-0, probably just to show Tromsø that Odd can also score five against poor, doomed Sandefjord. Right now, the only excitement about meeting Sandefjord is whether or not there will be any team that botches the job and gets any less than three points. Former wonder coach Patrick Walkers summed it up by saying “we’re doing fundamental mistakes”, such as believing it would be a good idea to let Espen Bugge Pettersen go before acquiring at least one competent defender for the roster.

To be fair to Walker, he also earned the “best response to silly question” award this week, because while it’s fun to mention that Sandefjord now hasn’t won in 23 games, it’s a bit mean to point this out to him (NFN practises the gentler style of “being mean to people we know don’t read this blog). But he rallied quickly, and responded thusly: “You can’t really think about that, because then you might as well roll up and die.” So very, very true words, Walker…

Strømsgodset’s Ola Kamara wins the “Most honest response” award of the week. After scoring a goal and being a general threat against Rosenborg, he was basically being pulled down on the edge of the 16-meter line in the 89th minute. Then after the game, instead of moaning about not getting the penalty, Kamara shrugged it off by noting that the defender was pulling him in a very experienced manner, letting go just soon enough that the ref probably would have to make it a free kick. And was he holding a grudge about being held like that? “No, I’d have done the exact same thing.” Kudos for admitting what we know all players would do anyway.

Oh, and Strømsgodset played a good game and probably should have won, but neither Kamara, Nordkvelle, nor Keita managed to score more than that one goal, and since RBK’s Steffen Iversen seems to have forgotten just how old he is this season – he’s scored 13 goals, and may yet win the title of top scorer – that meant RBK once again avoided a loss in the Tippeliga, with 1-1. For some reason, RBK not losing matches -at all- spells disaster in the world of Norwegian football, as does the fact that they are “only” five points ahead of Vålerengen. How this can be construed to make an “exciting” finishing in the series is a little beyond me, but hey, if Vålerengen actually beats RBK, on Lerkendal, next Sunday, then maybe we’ll be talking. Until then, NFN is still more commited to whether Brann will end up playing qualifiers for the next season.

And what do you know, Brann did play against Vålerengen, making this paragraph the smoothest segue since the entire NFN writer staff were being oiled up on a beach in Bahamas (hey, what did you think we were doing during the offseason?). Fun fact: Brann had the opportunity to buy Torgeir Børven, but declined. Since their current main man on top is slow slugger Eirik Bakke, they have to feel a bit silly about that. I mean, when you’re a striker, your main job is to run fast into position, and kick/head the ball in the general direction of the goal. Since running fast and kicking the ball instead of the player goes against every instinct in Bakke’s body, he is naturally rather unsuccessful. So Brann’s only viable strategy is to pass the ball to Erik Huseklepp, tell him “you’re on your own now, buddy”, and hope he’ll run faster than the defenders and chip in the goal. Since he missed, and since Vålerengen did score, that meant another victory for Martin Andresen’s currently very merry men. Or to put it another way: They have never been more succesful under Andresen’s management, than after he stopped playing.

Despite – or perhaps because of – his hilarious antics, let’s not forget that Kjetil Rekdal is worshipped in Aalesund because he is in fact a very good coach. For example, before their match against Haugesund, he warned against Djurdic and Sørum. That seems rather obvious, but considering Haugesund’s position on the table, it’s pretty clear that quite a few teams didn’t think that it would be a good idea to keep those in check if they wanted to win the game. And almost as if by magic, it turned out that by stopping those two, it helped Aalesund dominating the game. In addition to this, Tor Hogne Aarøy seems to be back on the scoring track (ten goals total now). But Rekdal still wasn’t happy for two reasons. First of all, Haugesund’s Djurdic scored a goal that can only be described as “two defenders doing some cartoonish parody of defending as they got in each other’s way and passed the ball to Djurdic. Secondly, they should’ve won it with a much bigger margin than the final result 2-1. Nevertheless, when he takes a look at the league table tonight, we’re certain the man with a thousand words of anger will almost smile.

While this NFN writer does try to keep a slightly different style from previous Tippeliga writer Lars Sivertsen, there is one thing we have in common: Bash a player seriously enough, and BAM, he performs much better the very next match. Jon Knudsen on Stabæk was the one who basically told the NFN to get off his back, by saving a penalty shot for Stabæk, thus being crucial in their 2-1 away victory against Kongsvinger. But the fact that Kongsvinger was actually a threat at all to Stabæk means they’re still far from being in top shape. Kongsvinger on the other hand, was mostly pissed about having their coach tony Gustavson sent up on the stands after stepping two steps outside the allowed area for coaches to scream out from. And he wasn’t even screaming at the referee or something, just trying to get the attention of his team captain. Now it looks like his aftermatch reactions to that might get him suspended.

Several dozen of the NFN staff members was worried about the Tromsø – Viking match. Considering Viking has actually started to score goals (yeah, that plural is correct), and considering Tromsø managed to make five goals last match (mind you, it was against Sandefjord, so it probably doesn’t count), there were dark rumours about how this could end up. Could it become the most-scoring match of this round? A match filled to the brims with great entertainment? If so, such an earth-shatteringly illogical event would probably start off the Fimbul Winter, which will then lead to Ragnarok.

Turns out we’re still safe. Rune Almenning Jarstein was currently in an up period (meaning he didn’t do anything batshit insane), Viking once again emplyed strikers that mostly seemed determined to strike for not being paid ever more obscene amounts of money. and Tromsø, while admittedly creating a fair amount of chances, once again seemed to lack offensive efficiency. A penalty shot was what they needed to win their oh-so-classic 1-0 on Alfheim. Yeah, you’ve heard that one before, haven’t you? Anyway, now that Viking and Tromsø are back on track, they can safely be ignored for the rest of the season.

Monday 27th

Hønefoss welcomed Start to a game both teams wanted and needed to win, and interestingly enough, both teams really tried to win. Both teams played rather similar too: Both teams had questionable passes on their own half, giving the other team some unnecessary chances. Both teams had several offensive weapons, and even NFN’s cynical heart has to admit that Ole Martin Årst’s comeback has turned out to be the best one since this son of a carpenter from Nazareth managed to pull the biggest practical joke on the world. Both teams also were also somewhat inefficient, and both teams also had really good keepers, meaning that we ended up with one of the most entertaining 0-0 matches this season. Start’s Kenneth Høie can be especially proud of what he did between the bars, in a game whose biggest letdown was in not providing NFN with anything particularly silly. Way to ruin our fun by playing a fun match, boys.

But first, let’s have a general update. FK Tønsberg, the 2nd division team that took out Vålerenga in the 2nd round, also managed to deal with Stabæk in the 3rd round. Nobody knows exactly what Tønsberg’s beef with Oslo-based teams is, but clearly their anger managament class’ suggestion of taking them out in the cup turned out to be a much better idea, instead of something more violent and less humiliating. Meanwhile, the Little Brann-killer That Could, 3rd division team Fyllingen, was efficiently removed by Viking, but their glory shall still always be remembered. Also, in the third round, Aalesund, Molde, and Lillestrøm all managed to get themselves removed from the cup by losing to teams from lower divisions, meaning 6 of the “elite” teams in total were out  of the game before it really started.

Tromsø embarrased themselves a bit in the fourth round by having 1st division team Ranheim score two goals against them on their home ground Alfheim. And FK Tønsberg finally met their match in Follo. Which is not a Tippeliga team. I guess Tønsberg needed some proper opposition from someone who’d take the cup a bit more seriously.

In the quarter-finals, though, every remaining lower league team bar one got beaten, and that is how we ended up with the following two semi-finals: Strømsgodset – Odd Grenland, and Follo – Rosenborg.

The former wasn’t the dullest match there has been, but it wasn’t all that glorious either. Odd was in their fourth semifinals in a row – a feat never done before – and for the fourth time, they were also playing an away game for the fourth time in a row. Instead of coaching his players, Fagermo chose to lament how unfair that was, and that is probably why Odd lost.

And now we enter the juicy match: Follo – Rosenborg

And what the heck, let’s just get to the result here: Follo beat Rosenborg 3-2, after Rosenborg having been in the lead twice, but Follo equalising both times, and then getting the final goal during the extended play. Everyone agreed that Rosenborg were capable of much, much better play, and that Follo benefited from being underestimated.

But frankly, the match as such wasn’t half as fun as the reactions afterwards (and it wasn’t a bad match). Because now the entertainment really got started:

* NFN have often joked with the fair-weather fans of Brann in the past – which they richly and fully deserve – but man, compared to the residents of Trondheim, they might as well have taken a Loyalty Oath on par with the oath someone takes when becoming a US president. See, for the RBK fans, it’s not enough that RBK is going to win the league again, and still possibly without losing a single match. Oh no, one single failed cup match, and I’ve seen people commenting how they’ve been tearing up their season cards, t-shirts, and other effects, and promised to burn what they couldn’t tear apart.

* Best comment ever must have been from Follo’s manager Hans-Erik Eriksen , who basically said “Well, I’ll give them their due, at least they tried,” in a oh-so-patronising manner. What made this such a great comment was that this was an exact copy of what Rosenborg coach and supreme deity Nils Arne Eggen said – in even more patronising tones – about Real Madrid when Rosenborg beat them 2-0 in 1997.

* Follo was using this match as an opportunity to support battle against breast cancer, thus playing with pink jerseys. Naturally, since the world of football remains slightly homophobic at the best of times, this would lead to a lot of high school “humor” after the match. Including our own headline.

Plenty of other silly stuff also happened (such as regional paper Adresseavisa having an all-black front page today; as if the team had actually died instead of, you know, losing a football match), but if we were to talk about all of them, this article would easily become the longest one in NFN’s history. And besides, we’ve already broken NFN’s official policy of not overexposing RBK in our articles (as they get enough of that everywhere else), so we’ll just end this by repeating the result:

Follo – Rosenborg      3-2 (after extended time)

Kongsvinger, who are second from bottom in the Norwegian Premier League with one win in their last eleven games, desperately need cash in order to fulfill their fixture list for this season, and after that rather demoralizing aid concert-attempt the club now hope the public will show more support for the annual duck race. Yes, the annual duck race.

For the prize of 12 euros members of the public can have a duck in the race, where up to 1500 rubber duckies will be released into the river Glomma. The owners of the first ten ducks to reach the finishing line further down the river will receive prizes.

Kongsvinger facing doom and devastation both on an off the pitch will come as a particularly harsh blow to winger Adem Güven, who has had a difficult few years. In 2007 his then club Raufoss were demoted to the third tier of Norwegian football after failing to renew their pro-license. Güven moved to HamKam, at the time playing in the Premier Leauge, but HamKam then suffered consecutive relegations in 2008 and 2009, and Güven again found hismelf facing the prospect of life in the much dreaded Norwegian second division. Seeking a fresh start he moved to Kongsvinger, who now look likely to both be relegated and go bankrupt. A demotion, three straight relegations and a bankruptcy in just four seasons is an almost morbidly impressive haul.

Poverty-stricken Kongsvinger attracted a lot of sympathy from neutrals before the season because of their tiny operating budget of some 3 million euros (compared to, say, Rosenborg’s 25 million euros), but then lost much of that sympathy by using what little excess money they had to sign sensationally inept striker Mame Niang, fresh off a free-scoring 2009-season with Viking in which he bagged 2 in 22 and headbutted a teammate. After a barnstorming 3 goals in 21 appearances it still looks like a dunderheaded deal, and along with the Kongsvinger players’ refusal to take a 25% wage-cut it serves to undermine some of the sympathy the struggling club should be due.

Still, rubber duckies make no such harsh judgments and will be floating wholeheartedly down the river Glomma in an attempt to keep the car running, as it were. Go duckies go.

4: Aalesund – 36
5: Strømsgodset – 36
6: Haugesund – 34
7: Odd Grenland – 35
8: Start – 35
9: Viking – 34
10: Lillestrøm – 32
————————-
11: Stabæk 30

My oh my, but isn’t this exciting? Who will grab the fourth place, which -may- be important for potential qualification spots for the UEFA league next year (either by Rosenborg also winning the cup, or by Norway grabbing a Fair Play spot)? How can the mainstream media find excuses to not look at this veritable potential of nervewrecking entertainment?  The tension is sharp enough to cut through almost melted butter! And let’s take a look at how it got to be this way:

Saturday 18th of September
As previously aknowledged – in a very disgruntled manner – Viking seems to finally have realised that it’s a good idea to not only score in every game, but also to score more than one goal in each match. But the really funny thing is, the opponents quickly realised that the best way to counter this is by scoring plenty of goals against Viking. And when the opponent is the powerhouse of scoring goals Vålerengen, and when Viking’s last line of defense is one mentally unstable keeper (who also on Monday got a suspension for talking trash about the referee in their cup match against Odd Grenland in August), then you get the feeling that there is something about Viking’s current plan that is somehow lacking… Viking may finally be scoring goals now, but Åge Hareide’s allergic reactions to victories is still a problem, as they lost 4-3 to Enga, and the opportunity to be on 4th place instead of 9th

Sunday 19th of September

Start also likes to score goals, but they usually require a fairly weak defense from the opponents – or having the opponent’s name being Rosenborg – to achieve it. Well, luckily for them, Strømsgodset playing away matches fit that bill perfectly. Mind you, if Godset had been a bit playing a bit more skillfully, and taken advantage of Start’s idea that defending is for wusses, the game could have ended the opposite of the 4-2 result that was. Kamara’s first goal in particular was something that just looked silly beyond belief.

I’m stumped. Absolutely stumped. Odd Grenland came to Telenor Arena with an 8-8-7 record, and I was 100%, absolutely positively certain that this meant they were going to lose, so as to keep the symmetry. And normally, they would at least have had a fight on their hands. But the boys of Stabæk seems to have as much fun playing football as we have fun watching their miserable mistakes punishing them over and over and over, allowing Odd Grenland a nice and important 3-0 away victory. Jon Knudsen in particular seems to need a teddybear to hold around when he goes to bed at night, as he keeps making at least one big error in every game. Between him becoming this season’s botch machine, and Jarstein soon to be commited to a psychiatric ward, one has to wonder whether our national team will have a keeper.

Well, I suppose there’s always Espen Bugge Pettersen, who knew a sinking ship when he played for one, and got himself hitched onto another sinking ship this summer. But this sinking ship also bought a repairman from Germany named Uwe Rösler, and with some German craftmanship – and pretty decent play from Baye Djiby Fall – Molde managed to secure a very important 1-0 victory against Hønefoss, in a match that will best be remembered for the fact that Molde needed a 1-0 victory.

Kongsvinger has this season proved to have about as much charm as the Pope when he’s adressing the latest scandals of the Catholic church. It’s not even that they’re playing very dirty or anything, they’re just… being there, for no real reason at all And they’re also in danger of going up and bankrupt like Lyn did, which is why they held a “charity” concert on Gjemselund on Saturday.

20 people showed up.

NFN would not like to seem speculative…Yeah right. We’ll speculate as much as we damn well want to, and our main theory why they would even come up with such a disastrously poor idea that everyone else must have seen was being completely idiotic: They hired the same consultant who thought it was a good idea for Tromsø to do the same thing last year. This proves that that consultant is in fact extremely good at his job, which is to sell unsellable ideas. Meanwhile, in the real world, it was so taken for granted that they’d lose 2-0 to Aalesund, only 5500 people bothered to show up on Color Line Stadium to see this walkover victory…

And now, for the weekly (assuming each week is 180 days) quiz: When you take the 4th worst scoring team and put them up against the worst scoring team in the league, what do you get? 0 goals? WRONG! What you get is in fact an astonishing 8 goals in one match, and proof that aforementioned Espen Bugge Pettersen did make the right choice. Without him, Sandefjord has a defense rating of about 0.3 (out of 10), and even if they scored three goals for the first time since they met Molde in April, that rating is still so hilariously low that even Tromsø can score 5 goals against them! Honestly, the joke’s so big, NFN wonders if they should just put up a video of this match over and over for the rest of the season, because nothing we can write will ever be as tragically funny as that.

Oh, and Rosenborg won again. Against Brann. 3-2. At least some things are same ol’ business. I’ll even admit Markus Henriksen had a couple of nice shots. And there was a penalty situation that RBK fans will claim was penalty, the Brann fans will claim it was not, and the true neutrals will become a bit tired of these two teams receiving far too much press coverage anyway.

Monday 20th September

With Godset screwing up against Start, Haugesund had a great opportunity to climb up to the oh-so-important 4th place on Monday. The match against Lillestrøm proved to be entertaining enough, and 3-3 made sure that  Lillestrøm still isn’t out of this amazing race. Interestingly enough, this was LSK’s fourth Monday match away, and that doesn’t make the “Canary fans” very happy. In response to how it’s generally tough to show up and root for your team if they keep getting away games on a Monday, TV2′s director of football Vegard Jansen Hagen replied (when taking away the weasel language he always uses): “Who the hell cares, we’re making heaps and heaps of money on this. I mean, did you see that bonus I got this year? That alone was twice as much as the prime minister of Norway makes in a year. In fact, why do we want people to show up on a stadium to watch football matches? They should watch in on TV2 and be subjected to bombardment of commercials instead! Heck, we should stop broadcasting matches and only show commercials! Think of all the money we’ll save on not sending out people to report! And then we can have some competition where amateurs put up the goals on Youtube with their shaky iPhones, so that we don’t have to buy all that expensive equipment!”

NFN is unsure whether Hagen should be banned from having anything to do with football for the rest of his life, or whether we should hire him to artificually boost our ratings in a way that we no longer need to write any articles for this site.

But first, since the Tippeliga itself had a vacation, we’d like to remember the reason for this vacation: The World Cup in South Africa. And we were all so very happy to see the international standards of football, so very unlike our own standards. For instance, the grace and behavior of France’s players against their coach really put the Brann players to shame, didn’t it? And what about Suarez, who surely could’ve given Kovacs a few lessons in fair play. And from Holland, Nigel de Jong showed Eirik Bakke and Vidar Riseth how you take the ball from your opponent in a nice and non-damaging manner. Yessir, the world cup couldn’t be more different from our own league, especially the way England and Italy won our hearts by putting their heart into the game and producing magnificent football, the likes of which has only been matched in our own league by Molde.

Another thing that’s happened in this period is that Lyn finally went officially bankrupt; much to the chagrin of Norwegian radio icon Finn Bjelke, and just about nobody else. Starting all over in the 6^th division, Lyn will now be the final resting spot for washed-out have-beens the next few years. Except that they may actually end up in 2nd Division next year, because apparently, if a club going bankrupt pays off all its creditors when going belly-up, they will only be relegated one division. Whether or not this particuarly obscure clause will come into play, we wish them luck, and are sure that in just a few years, they will return in full form as the second most obscure Oslo-based team. In the meantime, we’ll have to do as best we can with Sandefjord as the current “the little team with talents, and just about nothing else”  team to follow.

Now, to some of the Tippeliga highlights since last time:

Molde (14th) has, as just mentioned, had a tendency to play with the morale of a three-legged puppy thrown into a backyard full of rotweilers. As a result, they are currently – and I predict they will be so when the season’s over – the only team in the Tippeliga that hasn’t managed to defeat Sandefjord at least once in two attemps; and they’ve also played ten games in a row without victory. They also thought that England’s and Italy’s strategy of letting the opponent score at least two goals before attempting to actually play football was a marvelous idea. Stabæk couldn’t agree more, because when you get to score four goals, it usually doesn’t matter that much if your opponent will spend the last 15 minutes finally remembering what they’re being paid to do.

A more positive surprise – and we can sure use some of those – are Hønefoss (13th). They are absolutely determined to fight their way into staying another year in the Tippeliga, and considering everyone, this writer included, predicted them to be dead last with no hope whatsoever, it’s well done that they are holding the crucial 14^th place with some nice margin down to Kongsvinger. They’ve done this by stealing points from Tromsø, Lillestrøm, Odd Grenland, and Vålerengen. Even if they do end up 13th, that’s still one good underdog story.

An even more positive surprise is Haugesund (8th), who have been doing some neat things this season, showing that they certainly belong in the Tippeliga. Their 4-0 victory against Viking was particularly impressive, though they’ve had some downs too, such as making a mediocre draw against bottom feeder Brann.

The final positive surprise – much to former NFN writer Lars Sivertsen’s immense joy – is Strømsgodset (4th). Not only are they vying for medals by managing to combine properly experienced players with the right amount of hungry kids, they’re also in the semifinals in the cup. And best part is that they’re doing this by playing offensive, happy football! Speaking of hungry kids, if you never saw their game against Stabæk (9th) on Telenor arena, then you missed out one of the most impressive Tippeliga debuts ever. Third-keeper Lars Stubhaug of 20 years was thrown in because of injuries, and he made such a spectacularly good performance, Stabæk’s head honcho Jens Ingebritsen felt that he needed to take away some of that spotlight by making a spectacular fool out of himself. Seriously, Jens, can’t you just let us focus on the good stuff sometimes? Just for that, I won’t mention what else your team has been up to since last post.

Unsurprisingly, Start (7th) embodies this season as the team you can’t possibly predict what will do next. And considering how silly this seasons has been in general, that’s no small feat to pull off. They are so very vulnerable whenever someone figures out how to pass Goodson, their one and only defender worth a damn, but they are also having an attacking squad that can play with the best. What I mean by this? Well, when Vålerengen figured out the trick (presumably, it involved putting more than one attacker up there, so that Goodson could only cover one at a time), they were mercilessly crushed 8-1 on Ullevaal. Thankfully, in their next game they were meeting bottomfeeders Brann, and restored morale with a nice 3-1 victory. They’ve also now lost Christian Bolanos to FC København, though since his skills with the ball is only matched by his lack of skills with words, he will only really be missed by the hair stylists in Kristiansand.

Odd Grenland (10th) is another of those teams that seems inherently unpredictable, but fact is, you can rely on them somehow. If they’ve got a 7-7-6 record, you can be sure they will lose their next match, just to make it look fully symmetrical. So if your favourite team is meeting them while they are one win behind, better brace yourself for disappointment. And that, apart from selling Kovacs, is the main thing about Odd so far.

As much as we are loathing it, we have to admit that Vålerengen (2nd) can be somewhat entertaining, what with their habit of winning with a lot of goals. But they too lack coherence, because right after giving Start a sound 8-1 trashing, they then managed to lose 1-0 against Aalesund.

Let me put it this way for emphasis: Vålerengen has currently the best offense in the Tippeliga. And Aalesund has never, ever been close to having the best defense. So one has to wonder what’s going through the minds of Andresen’s boys at times. But still, they’re a serious contender for the silver medals this year, and as long as Martin Andresen keeps his mouth shut, we’ll begrudgingly concede that they probably deserve it, from a truly neutral point of view.

Lillestrøm (11th) had a decent start of the season, but then felt determined that they should be able to match Molde’s tendencies of avoiding a win, probably because that would be the only way anyone would pay attention to them sans their matches against ‘Engen. Unfortunately for them, they got a victory against Aalesund, which means there is absolutely nothing interesting about them at all this season.

Aalesund (6th) on the other hand, is wackier than a over-caffeinated 12-year old with a hammer and a dead frog in his vicinity. But you already knew that, didn’t you? So I’ll just say that Rekdal will probably lead this team to their best spot ever, and his status in the town in Sunn-Møre will probably be above that of Jesus. And in Sunn-Møre, people are quite religious…

I have no idea how it happened, but somehow Viking (5th) finally got a brilliant idea: That it can be a good idea to score more than one goal per game. This stunning display of innovation sent shockwaves all through Stavanger, and I’m sure several opponents lost their matches because they were too busy dropping their jaws at this marvellous concept. Though once everyone realised what was happening, the opponents started retaliating by also scoring several goals, to at least make it a draw. If this trend continues, then maybe…. Just maybe… Viking could actually be known as an entertaining team!!

If you’ve been wondering why I haven’t been speaking of Brann (12th) yet, it’s just because I wanted to savour the moment of referring to them, once again, as bottomfeeders. But as much as I like to make fun of them, there’s really nothing I can say that is funnier than watching them still taking themselves so damn seriously.

And finally, Rosenborg is winning the league. Big surprise there. So the only thing to mention here is one peculiar fact: In the last two years, Rosenborg has met Start three times on Lerkendal (twice in the series, once in the cup). And all three times, Start has scored three goals. Want some perspective on that? Well, in the other ten home matches this season, Rosenborg has let in five goals. And three of those were Haugesund’s doing (told you they’ve been impressive), so in nine home matches, the juggernaut from Trøndelag has let in three goals. What on earth Start has figured out against Rosenborg på Lerkendal is one closely guarded secret, which probably involves some black magic.

Oh, and before anyone asks: Yes, our national team had two matches recently. THey won one, lost the other, and since only our national sports tabloids really care about friendly matches like these, this writer won’t insult his readers by undeservedly hyping it up. Sure, mocking our NT can be as fun (or funnier) as talking nice about them when they do well, but that requires that I watch their games first, and this volunteer writing gig doesn’t pay me well enough for that.

Anyway, starting off on Saturday, Strømsgodset managed to turn around their late-spring collapse by beating none other than league leader Tromsø, and in the process becoming the third team this year that’s scored 2 goals on the boys from the high north. And of course Rushfeldt scored a goal as well, which puts him one goal behind the two top scorers so far this season. Whether that’s a sign of just how good Rushfeldt is, or just how imcompetent most of our other strikers are…

Either way, Sunday was Funday, and there were three matches in which the final minutes proved to be the most entertaining ones. First off was Odd Grenland, who made a veritable assault against Hønefoss, who nevertheless defended themselves valiantly (including some really classy keeper play), and only conceded one goal on Skagerak Stadium. Going into injury time, they also had one hell of an opportunity (6:32 in) to make a draw, which would in itself be a pretty nice upset. The Odd players can thank their lucky goalpost that they got away with that one, although they should have been able to put a finish to the match much sooner.Still, 1-0 means three points and a reasonably satisfying 6th place for Odd during the World Cup vacation time.

Sandefjord is still in big trouble, but that doesn’t mean they’re an easy team to beat. In fact, six teams have let in as many or more goals as they have this season, partially thanks to Espen Bugge Pettersen, who usually does his job as well as he can possibly be expected to, considering the guys he has in front of him. Anyway, Sandefjord looked like they had their second victory for the season coming, after a marvelous banana shot along the ground, courtesy of Olav Zanetti. Stabæk then looked to continue their wild unpredictability for a long time, but at least saved a little bit of face by equalising during injury time, for a 1-1 that must have felt so very bitter for Patrick Walker and his currently not-so-merry men.

But still, the best was to come. Oh, Molde, how do I love thy hilarious antics this season? Let me count the ways.

You are the only team so far to have lost against Sandefjord, but you’ve managed to turn 0-2 to a 3-2 win against Brann. You did a solid draw away against Odd Grenland, but then lost home to Tromsø, allowing them to score more goals there than they’ve done in any of their home matches this season. And now, playing against Lillestrøm, you had a truly cushy 3-0 lead, and you were already into injury time. There was just no way you could mess this up, was there?

Well, in fact, there was. Because damn if Henning Berg hadn’t managed to inject some “never give up” spirit into his players. With two corners and an opportunity created by some really fancy footwork by  Edwin Eziyodawe, a nearly perfect 3-0 victory was turned into the most humiliating 3-3 draw I’ve seen for some time now. Magne Hoseth claimed to have shed a brave tear going into the dressing room after the match, but knowing Molde players, it’s more likely he bawled like a little school girl.

Speaking of bawling and whining and gnashing teeth, we were thankfully spared all of this from the loudmouthed fair weather fans of Brann. Then again, there is nothing we like more than having them make it sound like it’s the end of the world, so I guess the 2-1 victory against Aalesund deprived us of the true entertainment. At least Aalesund coach and local deity Kjetil Rekdal managed to yell at his players in a way that gave a small kick to Brann, stating that “a team staying in third place just shouldn’t lose like this to a team that’s 15th in the league”. Which is sort of true, but this general unpredictability of Tippeligaen is the main reason Aalesund’s still amongst the top dogs in the first place, even though they now dropped to 5th.

And one of the reasons they dropped to 5th is because of Vålerengen. NFN will be gracious enough to admit that when all the players are fit and motivated, they can play a pretty damn good match. And during such moments, teams like  Haugesund really just haven’t got a chance. Martin Andresen’s men were pretty happy with a 5-2 humiliator. A fun game to watch for a neutral observer, of which there are practically none, since you either love or hate Vålerenga. Considering they’re scoring the most goals so far this season, maybe a few more will love them…

The much anticipated return of legendary coach Nils Arne Eggen on Rosenborg turned out to provide just about everything good, though to be fair, it brought out everything good against Kongsvinger, which only technically speaking are playing in the same league. Still, you could notice that if Rekdal is a deity in Aalesund, Eggen is far beyond that in Trondheim. Steffen Iversen in particular must’ve been scared witless, since he scored a goal after six minutes of the match. And he must’ve told the rest of the team about how it used to be with Eggen, because that was the second goal, and they’d score a third one after ten minutes. After that, the match was pretty much already decided, since Rosenborg isn’t Molde, and it slowed down somewhat. Still, Rosenborg produced more chances than they’ve normally done these last couple of seasons, and a final goal in the second half made it a 4-0 victory, and trailing close behind Tromsø. Erik Hamren can talk about “attityd” all he wants, but when the Wrath of God descends upon you (and everyone who’s been in a practice session with Nils Arne knows I’m not exagerrating here), you’d better pull out your very best performance if you want to live another day.

On Monday, Start had the good fortune to play against Viking this last match before the world cup. Why? Well, because Viking is notoriously refusing to score more than one goal. Think I’m kidding? They have only scored more than one goal three times so far this year. Against such a hopelessly inefficient (not to mention dull) offense like that, Start wouldn’t have too much to fear even without Goodson playing. On the flipside, Viking also has one of the best defenses in the country, and only once did it crack up. But once was enough for Ole Martin Årst, who snuck in like a thief to score the equalising goal, making it a 1-1 draw. Now Årst has a total of seven scored goals this season, which really isn’t bad, considering he retired last October.

First off, Haugesund and Lyn— Ehh, Sandefjord produced a match that could have ended 5-4 -either way-, but which “only” ended up with the much more ordinary result 2-0 to Haugesund. The match had plenty of shots in the posts and crossbars, including one that went back along the goal line, and almost miracolously failed to connect with a foot. But, SandeLyn’s keeper Espen Bugge Pettersen can proudly go on to the soon upcoming NT practice sessions, since he currently knows all there is about losing, experience that will serve us all well in the upcoming EC qualifiers, I’m sure.

I said the match between Stabæk and Start was impossible to predict. And indeed, who on earth could have predicted that Daniel Nannskog would come back from injury to actually be a competent attacker, sometimes even delightfully so? Looking ten years younger than his usual 50, he was scoring two goals and generally being a pain in the butt of Start’s defense. Of course, we’re talking about a Start defense without Goodson, which frequent commenter Euroman likes to remind us is an open invitation to the opposing team’s forwards. Still, Stabæk played a good game -and- won 3-0 at the same time, and we in NFN are trying so very hard to resist adding a “for once” to that fact.

Guess we failed.

On the other spectrum of Stabæk is Tromsø at home, who so very, very predictably won 2-1. However, it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying of Vålerengen‘s part, who produced a good deal of good chances, and who are now probably cursing both the posts and Tromsø’s keeper Marcus Sahlman, both of which wasn’t about to let Vålerenga score that easily. Instead, with their almost ecclestical effiency, Tromsø got a 2-0 lead. First goal was courtesy of grand old man Rushfeldt, who still doesn’t know when to call it quits, and as long as that means he’ll keep scoring, that’s all fine and dandy. Taking a break from our usual cynical approach, NFN would also like to give props to young Remi Johansen, who had two nice assist passes. Going back to our cynical approach, the one thing we like the most about Tromsø keeping on winning is that it keeps Rosenborg from being on top of the table. Not that we hate Rosenborg, but it’s nice to see other teams on the top of the list for as long as it lasts. Unless they’re teams we hate.

Of the teams that had a better-than-expected start this season, Strømsgodset is clearly the first one to get back to reality, with 3 points in the last six games. They lost 3-1 to Aalesund on the orange-clads’ turf, in a nice but not that impressive match. Aalesund, who’s had a minor setback period, will now become favourites against Brann next week, on account of how Aalesund’s very effective against teams with a lousy defense, and they keep the goal fairly clean against teams without good attacking.

I wasn’t initially caring much about Kongsvinger hosting a match against an underperforming Molde, and while it wasn’t the greatest match in history – in fact, Molde was more abysmal than ever – it certainly provided some interesting moments. The funniest bit was the fact that while once again, a match in which Thomas Myhre played had some serious keeper blunders, Myhre was in fact not the one to make them! Instead, Molde’s Jan Kjell Larsen made some pretty big whoopers, including what is already a contender for silliest keeper mistake of the year. (1:00 minute into the video)

The 3-1 victory  helped Kongsvinger get up to the 13th place on the table, which I’m sure must be a morale booster for a team that will struggle to stay up. And it seems that just like Start and Vålerenga, Molde are truly headless chickens that has no clue whatsoever what they’re doing, unless certain key players are on the field and in good form. And when infamous king of fumbles Thomas Myhre twists the knife around by saving a penalty shot, you just know that Molde has some major problems going on.

Hønefoss has had one major problem all season long, and that is, they’re truly rubbish when it comes to scoring (5 goals in 12 matches before this one). But since they are also the pure essence of Underdog, Brann was so gracious so as to give Hønefoss not one, but two free lessons in how to score against the opponent. Of course, being that Brann -was- the opponent, that meant they had to score against themselves to show Hønefoss how it’s done. Håkon Opdal’s lesson  was rather absurd and silly, but Bjørnar Holmvik’s heading  was very nice, and something we could all learn from. NFN would like to applaud Brann’s sense of extremely gentlemanly (if somehow misplaced) sportsmanship, since it’s the first time in years they’ve provided it. Well, we would, except we’re all lying on the floor with severe pain in our sides from all the gleeful laughing after an otherwise not too eventful match.

The 0-2 loss against Hønefoss, combined with Kongsvinger trashing Molde, means that Brann is now placed 15th, which of course means that both the Ragnarok and the Apocalypse is happening at once in Bergen, if you’re to believe local newspapers and local TV broadcasters. The players who got Steinar Nilsen fired are still utterly incompetent, which is especially funny considering they promised to show a better side of themselves this match. Well, if this keeps up, it’s going to be very interesting to see if Brann’s players can escape the ensuing lynch mobs that will soon appear on their doorsteps. Erik Huseklepp will probably easily run away (he certainly ran away from anything looking to be physical contact with an opponent this match), whilst Eirik Bakke most likely won’t survive this summer.

Speaking of doing stupid things, enter Vadim Demidov, for Rosenborg. He’s also one of the luckiest bastards to ever have gotten a red card for a rather nasty tackle after 30 minutes, because nobody’s been talking about him -at all- after their away match against Viking. Making Rosenborg playing with ten man only, Demidov could easily have been the scapegoat for what would and should have been an incredibly ordinary 1-1 result.

But if there’s someone who just has to top the stupidity, then Viking’s keeper Rune Almenning Jarstein is the man. For absolutely no good reason, he just pushes Trond Olsen off his feet, in a situation where the ball’s 30 meters away anyway, and thus, creating a more unnecessary penalty shot than Rade Prica did against Start last year. (Yes, we still remember that one (5:57 into the video))  Oh yeah, and it’s two minutes into injury time as well. So when that penalty is converted into a goal, the match ends. 2-1 to Rosenborg, and a Demidov who got off the media hook this time. Some teams get all the lucky breaks…

Naturally, the one person on earth defending Jarstein is Egil Drillo Olsen, who tries blaming the referee instead. Of course, since said Drillo apparently wants to both ruin both the NT’s abilities to win and to at least -try- attacking more than once every third game, it’s no surprise that he wants to keep Jarstein in his squad.

After one hell of a Monday, many would ask if the Lillestrøm – Odd Grenland on Tuesday could keep up. Unfortunately, the answer was mostly no, and the 2-2 result wasn’t that much to write home about for either team. Sure, there was one penalty to each team that both could be argued against, but they could also be argued for, and as long as it’s not a clear-cut mistake, this NFN writer has stopped caring too much. The strangest thing that happened in this game was that Dag-Eilev Fagermo said that the referee was correct on both counts. Yes, that includes the penalty to LSK. Next thing you know, Nils Arne Eggen will leave Rosenborg to coach Brann…

Monday 24th

Tromsø (1st) -Vålerengen (3rd)

Starting off with the top match, this one will end 1-0 or 2-1 to Tromsø, just like always. Mind you, Tromsø are capable of also playing well every now and then, and as such, the result doesn’t have to mean it was a scrappy game, it just means that Tromsø’s defenders are a fricking tough bunch to go up against. Of course, there’s technically room for an upset with a Vålerenga who’s eager to show that they aren’t a bunch of headless chickens. Which they normally aren’t, as long as certain key players are starting. Ask Tønsberg what happens when those players don’t start.

Home

Hønefoss (15th) – Brann (13th)

After the truly humiliating cup loss to Fyllingen, Brann could be in really deep… trouble, if Hønefoss grabs this game to pass the Bergensers on the tippeliga table. Repulsive local tabloid BergensAvisa (a “newspaper” that makes VG look serious and non-sensationalist) claims that Steinar Nilsen’s now gone from the club, getting a compensation of two million NKR. Considering that’s about as much as Tom Nordlie got from far smaller club Fredrikstad last year, this looks to be a rather small sum for the champions of unnecessary spending; but NFN hopes Steinar Nilsen isn’t fired (yet), if only to prove BA wrong.

Apparently Eirik Bakke’s been one of those most eager to get rid of Nilsen, amongst other things for him stating that the players are only thinking about their next paycheck. Since that’s pretty much what -everyone- believes that the Brann players are currently doing, NFN fails to see why it hurts so much more hearing it from someone who’s been witnessing it firsthand for several months. But Eirik Bakke’s about as willing to listen to the truth as he is unwilling to end other players’ careers.

Draw

Kongsvinger (14th) -Molde (11th)

Mostly every week, there’s a “who cares” match, and this time, Kongsvinger meeting Molde is it. Molde’s been nowhere near as impressive as last year, which probably has a lot to do with that Thioune is a rather good and important playmaker, and the opponents know that, and therefore they try their best to take him out any way possible. Which of course means he’ll also be injured sooner or later, and with Molde having no backup plan, they just haven’t got much game going. As for Kongsvinger, they’re not competent enough to play pretty, nor are they in a situation where they can afford it.

Draw

Haugesund (12th) – Sandefjord (16th)

Haugesund has so far been the most competent of the newcomers, and while they’ll probably still be struggling to stay up, they are capable of making trouble for anyone on a good day. And since Sandefjord apparently has given up on the concept of having a good day, especially when playing away, I really can’t see anything but a home victory here. Quite possibly a really big one too, depending on just how good Sandefjord and NT keeper Espen Bugge Pettersen is feeling.

Home

Stabæk (9th) -Start (7th)

This is a rather interesting match. Stabæk have often played well this year without getting the results, and sometimes when they’ve played like crap (which has been rather too often for a team of their potential), they’ve then won. Start is also somewhat unpredictable this year, but apparently, their tactic for this game is to use inside information from Bernt Hulsker, who’s currently being rented out to Stabæk, apparently as a mole. To be sure, double-agent tactics like this is something NFN wholeheartedly endorse. In any case, expect at least one of these teams to attempt playing some nice, attacking football, but which team it will be, and whether they’ll actually win, is another matter.

Who knows? Seriously, this is next to impossible to predict.

Aalesund (5th) -Strømsgodset (10th)

Kjetil Rekdal is now getting rid of one of the annoyances in his club, Diego Silva, whose contract expires the 30th of June. As the best paid man in Aalesund, Silva was quite possibly shocked to find that the club weren’t ready to keep paying him top-notch without him actually, you know, performing. In fact, so were we, as this is possibly the very first time that has happened in Norwegian football since the Bosman verdict.  NFN predicts that either Brann or Stabæk will buy Silva and pay him a ridicolous amount of money while blaming the coach for his poor performance, which should restore the balance. Oh, and Strømsgodset have been in really poor form lately, but at least the surgery on Fredrik Nordkvelle went just fine.

Home

Viking (6th) -Rosenborg (2nd)

The one thing this NFN writer got oh-so-very-right last round was that Viking and Sandefjord most likely wouldn’t score many goals, if any. Since Rosenborg is in the habit of scoring enough goals to win (and occassionally a few more), still haven’t lost any matches this season, and have a defense you can hardly get a hockey puck through, I fail to see that Viking can get anything better than a draw. Of course, since it’s now confirmed that legendary Rosenborg coach Nils Arne Eggen, will lead the club once Erik Hamren leaves, one may wonder if the players may give an extraordinary performance in the hopes of not getting too chewed out once Eggen’s the boss. Fat chance of that happening!

As a side note, Eggen did have the habit of telling his players that their only concern is the next paycheck, and nobody would even dare argue with him, much less demand that he should be fired. But the man was capable of telling you that your dear hamster just died and make you smile about it, and I’m sure the sports tabloids will be overjoyed, since Eggen will undoubtedly provide entertainment whenever his team doesn’t. Heck, Eggen is the only thing that saved this match from being the “who cares” match.

Away

Tuesday 25th

Lillestrøm (4th) – Odd Grenland (8th)

Carrying on the jinxing powers of NFN writers, I claim that LSK will come back from their less-than-overwhelming performance against Brann and downright humiliate Odd Grenland with at least three goals. Hey, gotta have some perks with this gig, right? Though it is in fact most likely that LSK will in fact win this game, as Henning Berg seems to have gotten his boys under control now. On the other hand, Odd is pretty damn unpredictable this season (which is business as usual for them), so while the odds favour the yellow birds, absolutely anything can happen here.

Home

No, what is being discussed is not only that two teams were going out of the cup (accompanied by a huuuge amount of schadenfreude all over the country), but the fact that they were also outplayed by their respective opponents. Normally, upset victories like these are a result of the small team getting a lucky goal, and then defending like all hell for the rest of the match, against an increasingly frustrated opponent.

But FK Tønsberg, who normally plays in the 2nd division (which is the third level of leagues, go figure), had no respect for tradition. And they paid absolutely no respect to opponent Vålerenga, who clearly wasn’t paying much attention in the first 45 minutes. During the first half, Tønsberg managed to score not once, not twice, but three times. Granted, their third goal was a penalty that should have been a free kick, but the first goal was a nice free kick, and the second goal was a beautiful heading. And in the meantime, Vålerenga had barely produced anything.

In the second half, Martin put in several of the players that he’s always starting with normally. Why he didn’t start with them in the first place? Well, his rationale was that “every single player in my squad is there because they are good enough for the Tippeliga. All of them are more than good enough to beat Tønsberg.” While probably arguably true, the fact that Mohammed Abdellaoue, Mohammed Fellah, and Freddy dos Santos was on the bench, while Kristofer Hæstad and Andre Muri stayed home gives a strong signal effect to everyone. It signals that you didn’t really care about this match, that they weren’t taking their opponent seriously at all. And even the players will get this signal.

Well, putting in Moa, and dos Santos, and Fellah for the second half gave another signal: That now they -will- take the match seriously. Of course, it’s seldom easy to catch up when you’re trailing 0-3 behind, and while Moa and dos Santos did indeed score one goal each to create some excitement (and to prove the point that they should’ve been starting), it was simply too late. And so FK Tønsberg could celebrate a big and happy upset.

But if a 2nd division team beating a tippeliga team is a big upset, it’s even bigger when a 3rd division team does the same thing. And Fyllingen did just that against Brann, humiliating the team in red by not only scoring the one crucial goal, but also playing a more impressive game than they had any right to do!

How impressive? Well, from the start of the game, Fyllingen was the one who got the best chances. They had some decent shots, and the Brann players responded by fighting with each other about heading the ball, ending with two players in red lying on the ground, with no Fyllingen player having been near them (and yes, that looks just as silly as you’d think). Fyllingen had a field day with Branns defense, while Brann couldn’t figure out how to get a good chance.

And what’s even more impressive, when 18-year old talent Nesse Stephensen headed in 1-0 (after some really nice footwork beforehand by one of his teammates), Fyllingen kept attacking. Brann finally started producing a couple of chances as well, but Fyllingen could as easily have gotten 2-0 as Brann could have equalised. But neither team scored another goal, and 1-0 to Fyllingen was well deserved.

Of course, with Brann also being in trouble in the Tippeliga, it’s only a matter of time before Steinar Nilsen’s getting the boot. He’s so close to getting it, in fact, that just a few minutes ago, Brann held a press conference to tell everyone he wasn’t getting fired. But at least, unlike several of the players, he would at least meet the press after the match, and to his credit, he wasn’t trying to explain away anything, because he knew just as damn well as everyone else that his players had seriously underachieved.

On the other hand, the last practice session before the match, he wasn’t even bothering to be on the field, since he was busy being on a football-related TV show in Oslo instead. Just like Martin Andresen’s team rotation, this too is something that sends a signal to the players on not taking things seriously…

First off, everyone should probably have seen this coming, but Aalesund really don’t have the best defence in the world. In fact, they only have a defence at all for no more than about 40% of their games. This match was amongst the other 60%, which meant that Vålerenga could get a comfortable 3-0 home victory over the orange shirts. Rekdal responded the only way he could, by blaming Tor Hogne Aarøy. “He’s got too much focus on his team mates when he should be concentrating on scoring goals” said Rekdal. And since Aarøy, after his brilliant start of the season, currently plays like he’s a forward for Viking, NFN finds it rather difficult to disagree on this.

Speaking of Viking, their offence is still as useless as their defence is competent. 7 games in a row without a loss now, but they allowed Sandefjord to get a point, who up until this match had 7 losses in a row. The match was partially dominated by Rune Allmenning Jarstein very narrowy avoiding a red card for a late tackle, and partially by Tommy Høiland once again being involved in nasty stuff. Running down Espen Bugger Pettersen with a thigh to his bent head, Høiland’s now got 3 yellow cards after playing effectively only five matches. Since Hareide doesn’t prefer using him from the start so much, maybe he should try playing for Brann? He’d fit right in there.

In Bergen, Brann‘s unpolished jewel Erik Huseklepp is discovering that keeping a high standard of play for season after season is a tough thing to do. Of course, last year, he did a fair amount of his goals practically alone, and without a team to back you up, even the most talented forward will get a slump. So against Lillestrøm, Petter Vaagan Moen turned out to save the rest of the Brann squad from getting lynched, by scoring the 1-1 equaliser after ninety-six minutes. Vaagan Moen is now top scorer in Brann, which should present a warning sign to Steinar Nilsen. Well, that and how he could take out Erik Mjelde when he was still feeling fresh, and being one of the very few players showing any signs of actually trying to win.

Tromsø has a defense so tight, you probably need a CIA clearance to get through. But unlike Viking, Tromsø usually scores at least once per game, and therefore win most of their matches. Ten games in a row without a loss with an arguably boring, but equally arguably deadly effective playstyle says it all. Away against Odd Grenland, they didn’t manage to get better than 1-1, but that’s still better than a loss. Neither team’s managers said anything particularly noteworthy either, so not much else to say about this game.

Stabæk delivered, in manager Åke Jønson’s own words “a scrappy win”, even though 3-1 away against Strømsgodset doesn’t look too bad on paper. But then again, Stabæk’s never done anything in a typical fashion this season, so this is just typical for them. The best moment of the match was undoubtedly how the evertalented Marcus Pedersen rushed to steal the ball and put it in the net after having to turn almost 180 degrees in 0.5 seconds. Worst part for Godset was having Fredrik Nordkvelle injured for at least two months, after a tackle that Ronny Deila was rather unhappy about not getting a free kick for. “No comment,” said Deila about the referee’s decision, before immediately commenting “it speaks for itself”. So does your slightly sulky “no comment” comment, Deila.

Start may not have a great defence, but against Kongsvinger, they didn’t need one. And since Start is actually happy about controlling matches – in direct opposition to how Norway’s national team needs to be controlled by the opponent to have a chance of winning – their offence gladly took three goals and three points in good style with them to celebrate the national day. Since NFN has strange jinxing powers, I shall hereby always assume Start won’t handle it in my previews, because when they do handle it, they handle it with style.

Molde on the other hand, is so hard to predict this season, I’m not even sure why we even try. This time, however, was one of those days when it all just comes together, at least enough to ensure a 2-1 win against plucky challengers Haugesund, who certainly had their chances to steal a point from the club situated in the “Town of Roses”.

And pretty much anytime Molde win (and often when they don’t), rumours immediately abound about one of their players being contacted by another club. This time was no different, with Magne Hoseth supposedly already having been sold to Blackburn, according to Tv2-sporten. But chairman Tarje Nordstrand Jacobsen immediately brushed this off as being pure bullshit (not his actual words, but pretty much what he wanted to say). Since we in NFN are far more serious than Tv2, we’re smirking in schadenfreude over them once again counting unhatched chickens and trying to create “news” where none is to be found.

Oh, and Rosenborg won 3-0 over Hønefoss. Did anyone ever really doubt this?

(*Actually, in Norway we don’t normally do the “swirling” that’s rather common in US schools. Instead, our bullies like to drag their victims into the bathroom, pull their pants around the tap, and then turn on the water, filling the pants.But the Norwegian term “buksevann” (literally translated: “Pants water) seems to not have a proper English equivalent, since the English and US bullies seem to prefer giving their victims the swirl.)

Now, for anyone unsure of how our cup works: Basically, for the first few rounds, the top teams will only meet teams from lower divisions, and the top teams will always play away too. The reason for this is basically that it gives those small teams a a chance to get some nice economic boost, since they are likely to have more more money on such a match than any other match of the season. And there’s always the million-to-one chance that the top teams end up making utter fools out of themselves and manage to lose, in which much merriment and schadenfreude ensues.

Personally, I save up extra schadenfreude during the winter just for such an occassion.

But anyway, -unless- something extraordinary happens in these early rounds, I’ll only make a short note in my previews/reviews that they are about to happen/have happened. Like I did just now. That’s the kind of serviceminded fellow I am.

Anyway, onwards to the actual preview (all games played on 16.05., as it’s sort of the national football holiday in Norway) :

Vålerenga (5th) -Aalesund (4th)

Two teams that are higly unstable and difficult to predict, yet has managed to get themselves in surprisingly cushy positions on the list so far. Vålerenga has the capability of utterly crushing teams like Odd Grenland, and then go on and lose to Strømsgodset, and draw against Hønefoss. If there is a pattern in their gameplan from match to match, it’s the kind you only see after smoking some really serious weed.   As for Aalesund, their towering forward Tor Hogne Aarøy has been annoying manager Kjetil Rekdal by becoming more competent, which means Rekdal can’t be as unhappy about him as he wants to be. And since they’ve beaten Hønefoss but lost to Odd, pretty much anything can happen here.

Though most likely, it’ll be a scrappy game with one goal at most.

Draw

Rosenborg (2nd) -Hønefoss (15th)

The Rosenborg machine will roll on in its unimpressive manner, and this time, poor Hønefoss will have to suffer, even though they seem to have tightened up their defences lately.

So most likely, it’ll be a scrappy game with one goal at most.

Home

Sandefjord (16th) -Viking (6th)

Sandefjord looks like to be this year’s Lyn, only with some fans. Lyn was 7th place in 2008 before botching it completely in 2009; Sandefjord was 8th last year and is seriously botching it now. Lyn had a good keeper and a young squad with some potential talent, same with Sandefjord. Lyn actually rarely lost with more than one goal in most of their matches, same with Sandefjord so far. So now we’re all wondering if their financial situation is going to become more interesting than their games.

Because this one will definitely be a scrappy game with one goal at most.

Away

Odd Grenland (7th) -Tromsø (1st)

The only stable thing about Odd is that they are unstable. Season after season, they tend to have some weird pattern going on. One year, they win all home matches, and lose all away. Another time, they’ll take on all the top teams, but lose to the bottom feeders. Then their spring season sucks, but fall season’s great (or vice versa). And this year, it seems they’re determined to only win against teams that are currently in good form. This certainly can’t bode well for Tromsø…

But most likely, this will be a scrappy game with one goal at most.

Draw

Strømsgodset (8th) -Stabæk (11th)

As Lars would have said it, the plucky darlings of Strømsgodset got their nice home streak brutally violated by Odd the previous Sunday, but with that said, they’re probably still a damn tough bunch to meet on Marienlyst, especially for a rather lacklustre Stabæk who’s currently playing like they’re getting paid less than a million a year. For a club situated on the west side of Oslo, that’s like being poor, you know!

And most likely, this will be a scrappy game with one goal at most.

Home

Molde (12th) – Haugesund (10th)

Magne Hoseth (I believe it was) wins this week’s “completely failing to spot the irony in what he just said” prize. He wanted people to stop blaming the referee every time they lose, and used Molde as an example: “We’ve lost 4-6 points this seasons due to bad calls, but we don’t blame the referee” was the memorable quote that for some reason, nobody thought to ask about whether it was a wise thing to say. In any case, Molde’s struggling more than they should be, and Haugesund have a knack of making life very hard for the opposing team if they’re considered amongst the big dogs.

So this will probably be a scrappy match with one goal at most.

Draw

Start (9th) -Kongsvinger (14th)

Start is the most-scoring team, but also amongst the teams that let in the most goals. That should bode for fun, except that they’re meeting a Kongsvinger who’s recently shown themselves to be slightly more competent lately – not that they had any other way to go but up – and who’s determined to defend themselves to death if need be, because they damn well need that one away point!

So this will probably also be a scrappy match with one goal at most.

Home

Brann (13th) -Lillestrøm (3rd)

Henning Berg has finally managed to deal with the most slimy bunch of hideous creatures on this planet, which is the board of directors (or whatever) in Lillestrøm, and managed to come out victorious as the man in charge of the players; who finally seem to allowed to be themselves again, instead of having to do it “the LSK way” no matter what. And now his players are up against a Brann where Steinar Nilsen is most definitely struggling with players, fans, board of directors, and an entire nation filled with schadenfreude over their current position in the league.

This may actually be a game that has more than one goal in it! Unfortunately for Brann, they won’t be the ones scoring the most.

Away

The Tippeliga rages on, petulantly oblivious to the crammed schedules of NFN-staffers, and all sorts of things happened while we had a blip in our coverage.

Tromsø trundle on in one of the most underwhelming title-challenges in recent memory, but a title challenge it is: Five points clear at the top after 11 games leaves us with no choice but to take them seriously. After a typically sneaky 1-0 away win against Brann (in a game where they produced roughly one chance) and an even sneakier 1-0 home win against Start (winning goal scored three minutes into injury time) they are quite comfortably top, in spite of having scored the same number of goals as Brann..

..who are now 13th, that loss to Tromsø (after which Steinar Nilsen had a go at the referee) and a 2-1 defeat at the hands of Stabæk (after which Eirik Bakke had a go at the referee) means Brann are now officially in crisis. Now, if their performances on the pitch and in the media weren’t embarrassing enough, it turns out Brann has gone very public indeed in their search for a new chief executive, advertising the position to all and sundry. With a little help from the google translate-thingy, you can read the job-advert here. It would do us great pride here at NFN-towers if some of our readers applied. Go on, do it, there’s nothing you can to do make that club any more of a mess.

Strømsgodset and Start both won a lot of friends in the early stages of the season with their positive approach and faith in youth, but such an approach rarely breeds stability and so it’s no great surprise that both teams’ form has taken a bit of a tip recently. Strømsgodset quite spectacularly went down 4-0 to Odd at home and then 3-1 away to Lillestrøm, and you get the feeling that some of their youngsters have gotten a bit too big for their boots in recent months. “He talks more than he plays. Today he walked around the pitch, whinging and crying for ninety minutes,” LSK defender Frode Kippe said of Godset forward Marcus Pedersen, suggesting he needs to grow up a bit. “It’s not just me who needs to grow up, I think he’s talking about himself a bit there,” Pedersen, 19 going on 9, retorted. Oh dear.

As for Start, well, a 3-2 loss to Lillestrøm and a 1-0 loss to Tromsø aren’t disgraceful results on the surface of it, but they threw away a 2-0 lead against Lillestrøm and with 30 seconds left on the clock you’d expect them to manage to hold on for the point up North.

Those two wins for Lillestrøm have propelled them to a handy 3rd place in the league, and now that they’ve added some goals to an already solid-looking defensive unit there is every reason to believe they can compete for a finish in the fashionable end of the table. That Henning Berg-fella is shaping up to be a very decent manager.

Other teams to have found some kind of grove this last week includes Viking and Odd, who both notched up two wins. Odd in particular impressed with their inexplicable 4-0 win away to Strømsgodset and then an equally inexplicable turnaround at Aalesund, where they were 2-0 down against Kjetil Rekdal’s usually solid orange army but somehow brought it back to 3-2. Having been widely expected to be a solid team who’d pick up a steady steam of points but fail to record the more spectacular of results, Odd are turning out to be the exact opposite. Viking just about nudged a 1-0 win over somewhat local rivals Haugesund and then thwacked misfiring Molde 4-1, and you feel that those where two big big wins as they propelled the team into the top-half of the table at a crucial stage of the season.

What about that orange army then? Aalesund went and lost their big derby against Molde 2-1 and then threw away a comfortable lead to lose 3-2 against Odd. You’d expect Kjetil Rekdal to blow a gasket over such misfortune, but the man showed admirable composure and merely suggested that his boys are looking a bit tired. Sings are the early season glory-days are over and that Aalesund will now ease into a comfortable upper mid-table spot, which is a fine position for them to be in really.

Vålerenga were surprisingly held to a 0-0 draw by Hønefoss after the most desperate rear-guarding action since Kristian Sørlie’s first night in prison, and then went and unimpressively sneaked a 2-1 win over Kongsvinger. They’re now 5th, still in a fine position to have a run at the summit if they hit form towards the second part of the season.

Rosenborg bored the pants off everyone by dozily swatting aside Stabæk 2-0 and then drawing 0-0 to Haugesund in what was by all reports an early contender for worst game of the season. If Tromsø’s goal-shy title tilt has been underwhelming, there is no vocabulary to describe second placed Rosenborg’s season so far.

That draw against Rosenborg and an unlucky defeat to Viking only consolidates Haugesund‘s position as the “Sandefjord of 2010″, while the actual Sandefjord of 2010 are rock bottom after dismal defeats to relegation rivals Kongsvinger and Hønefoss, both 1-0. “There’s no f*cking c*ck in them!” complained manager Patrick Walker. There’s an obvious Kristian Sørlie-gag to be made here, but for once we’re not going to go there.

Those two wins have seriously boosted both Hønefoss and Kongsvinger, who are probably still finding it hard to believe that there’s a team in this league that’s worse off than the pair of them. Who knows, the way Brann are playing these days there might soon be two.

And now, a bit of an announcement: In one of the biggest shocks since the last time Steffen Iversen turned down a kebab, yours truly has actually landed a proper job. Unfortunately the foolish firm in question isn’t located in Norway, but in the country inhabited by most of NFN’s other scribes. Thinks saunas. Think terrible music. Think wife carrying. Yep, there.

This means that for now it’s the end of these weekly updates from the madcap world of the Norwegian Tippeliga, at least those springing from this particular monkey’s keyboard. There is of course a chance that pent-up frustrations will prove overpowering and you’ll see a blistering Bakke-bashing bonanza unleashed, or even a vaguely serious whack at a proper article (unlikely), but nothing regular (some would of course question the implication that these updates ever were).

Thanks to everyone who contributed, 90 percent of the time the comments where altogether more informed and cohesive than the article above them, which is a rare thing indeed. Cheers.

Mostly. Aalesund were quite good and reclaimed the top-spot by beating a Start side that displayed all the defensive frailties of earlier games but none of the attacking verve. Also, showing the kind of journalistic nous that has seen yours truly avoid gainful employment for so long, the game we didn’t even dignify with a prediction at least produced a few goals, with Lillestrøm thwacking a truly awful Sandefjord 4-0. Apart from that the only point of interest was that Strømsgodset edged their home-tie against Vålerenga, largely thanks to a terrific display by their young goalkeeper Adam Larsen. The rest of it was mostly rubbish and not worth lingering on at all.

Strømsgodset 1 – 0 Vålerenga

Odd Grenland 0 – 0 Brann
Hønefoss 1 – 1 Molde
Kongsvinger 1 – 1 Viking
Lillestrøm 4 – 0 Sandefjord
Stabæk 0 – 0 Haugesund
Tromsø 0 – 0 Rosenborg

Aalesund 2 – 0 Start

Possibly working on the thesis that football is like sex, origami and suicide-attempts (the more often you try it, the more likely you are to get it right), the sixteen teams of the Tippeliga go straight back in there with another attempt this midweek.

Wednesday

Rosenborg (3rd) – Stabæk (10th)

Undefeated in the first nine and just three points off the top, Rosenborg are obviously only a whisker away from a full-blown crisis. This is because their last two home games have ended 0-0, and for a crowd that for the last fifteen years or so have gotten used to seeing Rosenborg casually give every visiting team a good hiding, that simply won’t do. “Bring back Nils Arne Eggen!”, they cry. He was in charge back then, you see.

Home win

Brann (13th) – Tromsø (2nd)

Bad news for average footballers all over the world: The Artist Formerly Known As Roald Bruun-Hanssen, responsible for epic hits like “2,7 million a year to Hassan El Fakiri” and “3,7 million a year to Eirik Bakke”, has been relegated from director of football to some other ill-defined administrative role at Brann. Manager Steinar Nilsen will now get full control, and the Northern tactician surprisingly lost his composure and quoted his favorite movie in spectacular fashion when asked for a comment*. “You may say that I’ve been moved from central midfield to central defense. We’ve been shipping a lot of goals lately, so it could be a good solution,” The Artist Formerly Known As Roald Bruun-Hanssen actually did say at the press-conference, sounding positively David Brent-esque. However, Brann-fans who think their club’s budget is now safe from the blundering buffoon may have to think again, as TV2 ominously reported that “when it comes to negotiations with players the idea is that Bruun-Hanssen will still contribute”. Bloody hell.

Draw

*might not have happened

Sandefjord (15th) – Kongsvinger (14th)

No doubt about it, Sandefjord have been bloody awful lately. But in their defense, well, they kinda always have been, on paper at least. Last season’s league form was as unlikely as it was impressive and the team had to be so much more than the sum of their parts in every single game, think Fulham in the Europa League times ten, and this merely the squad crashing down to their natural level. This season was never going to be pretty.

Draw

Strømsgodset (4th) – Odd Grenland (11th)

Besting Martin Andresen’s Vålerenga meant Strømsgodset have now won a whopping ten straight home games, and ordinary Odd have shown no sings in recent times of being able to break that run.

Home win

Viking (9th) – Haugesund (8th)

Only a certified loon would have guessed that Viking would head into their first Rogaland-derby of the season below somewhat local rivals Haugesund in the table, but here we are. Injuries have plagued the boys in blue since pre-season began and made it difficult for Åge Hareide to shape the team in his image, while Haugesund so far look like this season’s Sandefjord. For all their faults though, Viking have been decent at home so you’d expect them to take this.

Home win

Vålerenga (5th) – Hønefoss (16th)

Frustrated after the Strømsgodset game, yet confident in their abilities at home after that savage mauling of Odd: Vålerenga are about to unleash all sorts of emotions, and none of them are at all good for Hønefoss.

Home win

Thursday

Start (6th) – Lillestrøm (7th)

“I have no explanation, it was terribly bad,” was the words of Knut Tørum after Start were bested in every possible way by Aalesund, which seems to be his usual stance when things go wrong. He is nothing if not consistent. He’d better figure it out soon as opponents Lillestrøm seem to enjoy smacking dysfunctional teams around, with almost all of their goals this season coming against Sandefjord and Hønefoss.

Away win

Molde (12th) – Aalesund (1st)

Again, only a fully certified loon would have predicted these fierce local rivals would go into the first derby of the season with the league situation being like this. In fact, most would have predicted it to be the other way round. But even if they have scored more than second-placed Tromsø, Molde keep conceding preposterously stupid goals, which makes it very hard to pick up points. Kjetil Rekdal’s orange army on the other hand have been the exact opposite: Cynical, well prepared, tactically disciplined and efficient. And we think they just might nick what would be a famous victory here.

Away win

Kenneth Perez scored five goals this term as his FC Twente side won their first ever Eredivisie title under the guidance of Steve McClaren. The Dane featured as Twente ensured their status as champions by recording a 2-0 away win at Nac Breda. Any slip up by McClaren`s men would have handed the title to Ajax, who beat Nec Nijmegen 4-1. It has been a remarkable season for the Enschede side, who have done what nobody expected them to do. And the former English manager was in buoyant mood whilst celebrating their title success “People say to achieve this with Twente is a miracle, but it`s more than a miracle”.

 For Ajax and their Danish Duo, Christian Eriksen and Dennis Rommedahl, they must now forget their title defeat and hope they can win the Dutch cup final on Thursday. They will carry a 2-0 lead into the second leg against Feyenoord and few would bet against them winning the silverware.

Peter Lovenkrands scored the only goal as champions Newcastle United celebrated a 1-0 win away at QPR , in their final game in the Championship. The win was the Magpies 30th of an impressive campaign that sees them return to the Premiership, with a total of 102 points. For Lovenkrands, it was his nineteenth league strike of the season.

 Mads Junker scored from the penalty spot as Roda Jc beat Willem 3-2 to book a place in the Europa League playoffs.The striker has notched 20 goals this term as he eyes a World Cup spot with Denmark.

Jon Dahl Tomasson got on the scoresheet as Feyenoord recorded a 6-2 home win over Heerenveen. Both Norwegian Christian Grindheim and Swede Viktor Elm scored for the visitors.

 Erik Nevland helped ensure Fulham`s 3-2 win over London rivals West Ham, by crossing the ball to Stefano Okaka Chuka for Fulham`s third. A number of the Cottagers stars were rested, following their amazing 2-1 recovery against Hamburg that saw them reach the Europa League final. Brede Hangeland was one such star, but both Bjorn Helge Riise and David Elm made appearances for Roy Hodgson`s men.

John Arne Riise`s Roma were knocked off top spot by Inter Milan on Sunday. The Giallorossi enjoyed a 2-1 away win at Parma on Saturday which had put them back on top, but Inter`s 2-0 win against Lazio was enough to make them leapfrog Claudio Ranieri`s men. Two games remain before the destination of the Scudetto will be revealed.

Sebastian Larsson played his part as Birmingham City recorded a 2-1 home win over relegated Burnley. The Swede crossed for Cameron Jerome who then saw his effort poked into his own net by Burnley keeper Brian Jensen. The win leaves Birmingham on course for their best finish in 51 years.

 Fredrik Stenman scored the third goal as Groningen recorded a 3-1 final day victory over Sparta Rotterdam in the Eredivisie.

Olof Mellberg opened the scoring for Olympiakos, who went on to record a 2-1 win over AEK Athens in the Greek Super League playoffs.

Faroe Islands goalkeeper Gunnar Nielsen was not selected as Man City hosted Aston Villa at Eastlands in a crucial tie in the race for fourth place. After Shay Given was ruled out for the rest of the season, it seemed Nielsen was set for duty, until Man City signed Martin Fulop on an emergency loan deal from Sunderland. City ran out 3-1 winners, after initially falling behind to a John Carew goal. The Norwegian also saw an effort hit the crossbar as Villa`s hopes of Champions League football for next season ended.

Gylfi Sigurdsson scored the third goal as Reading finished their season on a high, with a 4-1 home win over Preston North End. That took his tally to 20 goals for the season. This may well have been the Icelandic star`s last game in Berkshire with plenty of Premier League suitors set to battle it out for his signature this summer.

Saturday

Strømsgodset (6th) – Vålerenga (4th)

Two of the bright spots of what hasn’t been a fantastic Tippeliga so far as been Srømsgodset and Vålerenga, two teams with exciting young players and intelligent young managers. And both messrs Deila and Andresen let off a sound of warning this week, airing the wildly controversial opinion that a football team should aim to have the ball occasionally. “It’s more fun to be a footballer when you have the ball, and I think we score more goals than the opposition that way”, Andresen said, before his colleague Deila backed him up by opining that “the team with the best passing-game wins the league”. A sharp contrast indeed to Norway manager Egil “Drillo” Oslo and his horde of disciples which so dominates the Norwegian game, who of course believe that possession is for gays and foreigners.

Draw

Sunday

Odd Grenland (11th) – Brann (13th)

Freckle-faced forward Peter Kovacs last season created headlines round the world by spectacularly spurning an opportunity to make himself a fair-pay icon and rather opting to score a goal against Brann, something quite literally anyone could do. But the hulking Hungarian regrets nothing, oh no he doesn’t. “I decided to score, and I don’t regret it”. This as a stark contrast to jailed fullback Kristian Sørli who, one presumes, very much regrets one of his own decisions to score (wink wink, nudge nudge)..

Draw

Hønefoss (16th) – Molde (12th)

Hopeless Hønefoss host Misfiring Molde in what should by all accounts be a pretty poor game, but a tightly contested one between two teams that simply have to start picking up points.

Away win

Kongsvinger (15th) – Viking (9th)

Fortune usually favors the bold, but it most certainly hasn’t favored Viking since they decided to splash the cash and attempt a title challenge of sorts. Tomasz Sokolowski, Martin Fillo, Birkir Bjarnason, Jørgen Hortn, Joakim Austnes, Børre Steenslid, Partik Ingelsten and Rune Jarstein have all suffered some kind of injury to make them miss games this season, and now Ole Marius Aasen, one of the youngsters who haved successfully filled in for the more seasoned campaigners, has gone and sprained his ankle. There’s a sense of optimism surrounding Kongsvigner though, and new manager Tony Gustavson has a plan: “I can push some mental buttons and get a mental picture that’ll make everyone have the same vision of what we’re trying to do”. NFN would venture that no matter what vision Kongsvinger have of what they’re trying to do, they’ll still be a fairly rubbish team.

Draw

Lillestrøm (8th) – Sandefjord (14th)

One-goal-in-the-last-five-games Lillestrøm versus sorry Sandefjord, this, franky, could be a shocker. So let’s instead turn our eyes towards the mad mad world of the Adeccoliga, where Fredrikstad made a peculiar announcement this week: According to their press-release, new signing Odilon Kashama can run 60 meters in 6,1 seconds, or possibly even less. This is astounding news, considering the official world record is 6,39 and Usain Bolt’s unofficial one is 6,35. Happy days. Adeccoliga-defenders better watch out for this guy.

Who cares

Stabæk (10th) – Haugesund (7th)

Even with the miraculously recovered Veigar Pall Gunnarsson back, Stabæk looked short of ideas against an under-strength Viking last weekend, which is of course a very very bad sign. And now, as if there weren’t enough reasons to ridicule them and their fanbase, they’ll have to play their next couple of home games at Ullevaal because the eurovision song contest has taken over their ground. Still, with the Stabæk-audience very much used to watching overpaid pansies with deplorable hair mince around doing nothing in particular, they might not notice the difference if they do turn up at Telenor arena..

Draw

Tromsø (1st) – Rosenborg (3rd)

Per-Mathias Høgmo, manager of table-topping Tromsø was asked the question on everybody’s mind this week, namely, well, “how?!”. Considering the only vaguely difficult game Tromsø have had to play so far has been against misfiring Molde, you’d expect the words “kind” and “fixture” and “list” to be found somewhere in his answer, but not so: “There’s something powerful about the Tromsø-culture. There’s a winning mentality here. We have a strong tradition of developing players to a high international standard. There’s a strong culture of competence. It’s an international city. We look beyond the Norwegian borders, and there is great vitality. The sum of that makes it the Paris of the Nordic countries. It’s a resilient city, a resilient football club”. Big words, especially bearing in mind that Steinar Nilsen, one of those international standard footballers, called his hometown a “city without winners” and that the club a couple of seasons ago lost 2 million kr staging a Bryan Adams-concert. But sure, a couple of wins against newly promoted teams and a few other lucky results and Tromsø is suddenly a cosmopolitan capital of culture with a massive winning mentality. That has to be it.

Draw

Monday

Aalesund (2nd) – Start (5th)

In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king, and in the land of the chaotic and confusing 2010 Tippeliga the team that at least doesn’t concede that much is king. Which explains why Tromsø and Aalesund are top. That particular theory will be put to the test as Kjetil Rekdal’s rather cynical orange army takes on goal-loving Start, a team that just seems to love seeing the ball hit the net, be it the opposition’s or their own. They did however look well ropey against Hønefoss last weekend, so we fancy Aalesund to get a win and possibly reclaim the Tippeliga top spot.

Home win

They were, honestly. Ronny Deila’s young guns Strømsgodset have impressed all and sundry with their early season form, but here their inexperience showed and they had no answer to the pace and trickery of Brann‘s attacking duo Erik Huseklepp and Diego Gustavino. Boosted by the absence of their captain Eirik Bakke, Brann looked altogether more coherent than in recent weeks and picked up a much deserved 4-0 win. Godset on the other hand showed poor form both on and off the pitch, playing badly and then making fairly immature comments to the press after the game. “It’s embarrassing to lose 4-0, it shouldn’t be possible,” Udinese-reject Jo Inge Berget told TV2, adding that “on artificial turf we can play football. Here it’s not possible to play football, we just have to hit it long and hope the ball deflects off a divot and goes in”. It’s probably that kind of never-say-die, win-at-all-costs, strength in the face of adversity-attitude that kept Berget safely away from first-team action in Italy.

There were ugly scenes at Ullevaal, very ugly, and we’re not just talking about Peter Kovacs’ face. “We’re embarrassed,” said Dag-Eilev Fagermo, “we stand with our finger far up our..  yes,” said Morten Fevang, and thankfully it still doesn’t have anything to do with Peter Kovacs, but rather the fact that Odd were thoroughly violated by Vålerenga to the tune of 6-1. The hosts, who only last weekend rolled over against a fairly poor Brann-side, looked absolutely superb throughout and at times cut through Odd as if they weren’t even there. Which is curious, because the last year or so Odd have looked consistently like a side that, while limited, isn’t at all prone to thrashings. Vålerenga-manager Martin Andresen was rightly pleased and reserved special praise for the lively Mohamed Fellah and the dynamic Kristofer Hæstad. “We depend on them to maintain aggressive pressure,” he said, confusing the attending journalists by actually talking football rather than spewing out platitudes like managers are expected to do these days. He also showed class by dismissing talk of a title challenge on the back of this one superb performance. Good man.

It’s hard to say which is more surprising, that Tromsø are top of the table or that they managed to score a full three goals in one game. Yes, the defensive dullards from the North notched up a whopping 3-2 win away to Molde, who we all though had started to sort themselves out at last. “In the second half we stopped playing football,” noted Molde’s metrosexual midfield maestro Magne Hoseth, who did his bit by dragging the score back to 2-2 with a superb long-range effort only to see Tromsø grab all three points through a late set-piece. His manager, Kjell Jonevret, was unimpressed: “We score in every game, but we have to stop conceding all these goals!”. He has a point, 16 goals conceded in eight games equates to two in  every game, which of course is far too many.

A team that isn’t leaking goals is Henning Berg’s Lillestrøm, who after drawing 0-0 with Rosenborg have conceded just four times in the first eight games. That superb defensive record is offset however by the fact that they’ve only scored nine, seven of which came against hapless Hønefoss. That this game ended goalless was a bit of a miracle though, both teams had a bunch of chances but displayed a lack of ability in front of goal that was almost Mame Niang-esque.

Hønefoss lost again, but maybe not by the numbers expected. Start-manager Knut Tørum inflicted a surprising handicap on his own team by starting Jesper son-of-the-sporting-director Mathisen up front, and Start needed a deflected shot from right-back Hunter Freeman and an own goal from Paul Obifule to hobble past bottom of the table-Hønefoss. In spite of losing 2-0 Hønefoss looked marginally less terrible than earlier in the season and when asked if he wanted interim manager Tom Guldbransen to continue, Hønefoss-captain Frode Lafton responded with a wildly enthusiastic “Sure, why not?”. Onwards and upwards.

Kongsvinger also lost again. We’re starting to see a pattern here. Only they were playing fellow promotees Haugesund, a side they theoretically should be able to hold their own against. They didn’t, in fact they were “totally f*cked in the ass” according to midfielder Roger Risholdt, which of course is one way of describing the 3-0 beating they received. Some good news are on the way for Kongsvinger-fans though, according to TV2 they have found themselves a manager: After Knut Torbjørn Eggen and Mons Ivar Mjelde both said no they’ve managed to get a yes from former Hammarby-manager Tony Gustavsson.

In Stavanger, Viking‘s plucky midfield trier Andre Danielsen scored his annual inexplicable long-range thumper into the top corner, and there was much rejoicing. The 2-0 win means Viking sit solidly in that category of teams that should be doing a whole lot better but aren’t quite bad enough to send fans and media into full-blown crisis-mode, a category they share with vanquished opponents Stabæk, as well as Brann, Odd Grenland and Molde.

Finally, it was a typical away-performance from Kjetil Rekdal’s Aalesund: Nothing much happened, and what did happen mostly involved the ball hitting Tor Hogne Aarøy on the head. One of those balls dropped to Diego Silva, and the Brazillian scored the only goal of the game. Alarm bells are a’ringing in Sandefjord.