The end is nigh, and just to make it fair, every game of the last two rounds will be played simultaneously. Wait, wait, that didn’t make sense. In both of the two last rounds every game will be played, oh heck, you get the idea..
Sunday
Vålerenga (6th) – Sandefjord (8th)
A thoroughly pointless game you say, but wait, with 40 points to their name Vålerenga could actually sneak into fourth place and book a place in Europe. Considering just how dismal they were earlier in the season that would be nothing short of outrageous. Being a bunch of fickle so-and-so’s, we here at NFN have done a complete 180 on the topic of slightly mad Martin Andresen, who has been the PR-equivalent of George Clooney in The Perfect Storm this season and somehow emerged with his dignity intact and his reputation enhanced. He deserves immense credit for this, and hopefully he won’t die drowning with Mark Wahlberg.
Home win
Strømsgodset (13th) – Viking (10th)
Not nearly out of the woods yet, Strømsgodset really need to add a victory to their already impressive home-record (8-3-3) against Uwe Rösler’s dullards Viking. The Teutonic titan has caught on to the fact that fans are tired of watching his team attempt to bore the opposition into submission, telling the local press that “we have to be compact and solid, but at the same time offensive”. According to the dictionary, offensive can mean “giving painful and unpleasant sensations”, which is what Viking has been doing to spectators all season so mission accomplished there.
Home win
Fredrikstad (14th) – Molde (2nd)
In spite of their massive win against Odd last round all is not well at Fredrikstad. They’re still occupying the undesirable play-off spot, and there is trouble afoot: Icelandic striker Gardar Johansson has hit out at the club for not treating the players right. Hilariously, marshmallow-shaped manager Tom Nordlie had just given an interview to TV2 where he empathized the importance of loyalty, which lead to this priceless bit of juxtaposition: A headline over a picture of Nordlie reading “Loyalty is the most important thing” right next to a picture of Johansson with the headline “Looking forward to leaving FFK”. Just the kind of thing you want on the eve of a crucial, potentially season-defining game.
Home win
Stabæk (3th) – Bodø/Glimt (15th)
Stabæk’s home-record this season is 9-3-2 and Glimt’s away-record is 1-5-8. Do the maths.
Home win
Odd Grenland (5th) – Lyn (16th)
When it comes to bizarre stories, Lyn is quite simply the gift that keeps on giving. From the manager who refused to go away, the constant flirting (and indeed heavy petting) with bankruptcy, almost getting thrown out of their ground, having to pay for rent of said ground in advance of each game, it goes on and on. But this one, well, this just might top them all. As it turns out, one of the (many many) companies that Lyn owe money is a call centre called “ProDialog”, the chief executive of which is none other than Vegard Bjerke, captain of Adeccoliga-side HamKam.
Having been relegated in spectacular fashion last season, HamKam have also made a complete mess of it in the Adeccoliga and now look like getting relegated for the second season in a row. Having already flirted with financial doom this season, relegation would pretty much ensure ensure bankruptcy as there isn’t any kind of money to be made in the 2. division. Except if Lyn go bust, there will be a spot open in next season’s Adeccoliga, and since they look like becoming the highest placed team to get relegated that spot would go to.. HamKam.
So, essentially, the captain of HamKam could use his company to condemn Lyn to bankruptcy, and by doing so he’d save his own club from a similar fate. “Uff, that’s a strange dilemma,” said HamKam-manager Vegard Skogheim. “No comment,” said Vegard Bjerke. You really couldn’t make it up could you?
Home win
Lillestrøm (12th) – Brann (4th)
Ever wondered how much money you neighbor makes? Move to Norway, where once a year the tax-man will tell you. Really. Each year lists of how much money everyone made last year are published. This in itself is fairly disgraceful, and the massive public interest in the lists doubly so. With this in mind we here at NFN won’t go too much into it, except to say that SIXTEEN players in Brann’s squad had an income of over one million kr in 2008. “This tells us that it’s been good times in Norwegian football” says Brann’s sporting director Roald Bruun-Hanssen. “This tells us that you’re a bit of an idiot,” countered NFN’s fictional expert on football finances.
Draw
Tromsø (7th) – Start (9th)
Two teams with the exact same amount of points (37), in fact their overall record this season is identical (9-10-9). As far as pointless mid-table mashups go, this is as pointless as they come. Start have a couple of injury-worries, most importantly Clarence Goodson has a fever and a touch of the sniffles, and when asked about his thoughts on the team against Tromsø was manager Knut Tørum said “No thoughts”. Does that man ever know anything?
Draw
Rosenborg (1st) – Aalesund (11th)
Well this should be spectacular shouldn’t it? Rosenborg-players who have one if not both eyes on their upcoming vacations and Aalesund-players who now definitely have both eyes on the cup-final. Not even Kjetil Rekdal can keep this from becoming a massive borefest, surely?
Home win
Twitter: EganRichardson
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25. October 2009 at 1:06 pm
You can be the CEO of a company and simultaneously play Adeccoliga football? What did Lyn use the call centre for, exactly? And why do Prodialog advertise themselves with such a terrifyingly white-toothed woman?
http://www.prodialog.no/
I like how TV2 prioritise want-away striker over loyalty-seeking gaffer, too.
25. October 2009 at 11:14 pm
I must admit that I wanted B/G to win this one. Partially so that we would have something to look forward to in the last round besides a fourth place that may or may not mean anything; partially just because I love those moments when the really obvious math turns out to be 2+2=5. It would be the upset of the season!
But alas, such is life that it doesn’t always follow the Hollywood script version.
26. October 2009 at 6:38 am
I have got to say, Lars…This is maybe the most entertaining football writing on the internet, exceeded only by Uli Hesse-Lichtenberger. And it’s about the Norwegian league! Amazing.
Anyway, I am now fascinated by the Norwegian league and have read almost all of the coverage here, but I do not know which team to support. Molde and Start seem the most appealing. However, only Brann and Rosenborg have internet fan-sites in English, as far as I can tell.
Why is the glamorous capital city region only represented by various clubs in dingy outlying areas, the incredibly bad Lyn, and the incredibly unlikeable Valerenga? Well, I guess Berlin and Paris are not centers of football greatness either.
One would think that from patriotism I should go with whichever teams employ the most Americans, but it seems as if every team has exactly one American, along with exactly one Swede.
Anyway, it would be great if we could get a sort of impression of what the stereotypes are of each team.
26. October 2009 at 7:19 am
Ah, stereotypes. Well, my ill-informed, non-Norwegian opinion is that Vålerenga fans are polite, erudite and welcoming with a broad understanding of football philosophy and excellent personal hygiene. Lyn fans are… um… perhaps… – well, I’ll let you know if I ever meet one!
En by, ett lag, ett Vålerenga and all that type of thing!
Seriously though, I always thought Start fans were a nice enough bunch, and same for the few Aalesund fans I’ve met. Molde play nice football and seem inoffensive enough. As long as you don’t go with Rosenborg or Brann then you won’t be considered a glory-hunter and everything should be fine!
Twitter: fjordball
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26. October 2009 at 7:25 pm
Those are very flattering words Mr. Mayo, thanks a lot for that.
I’ve always found the idea of sitting down and picking a team to support very difficult, I find that if you follow a league over a period of time then some sort of emotional bond to one or more clubs will usually develop automatically.
Anyway, I can see why you’d be drawn to Molde and Start. Molde have been the most entertaining team on the pitch this season by a considerable margin, and Start have had an eventful season as well (they also have _two_ Americans on their books, Clarence Goodson and Hunter Freeman). Seems like half the regular commenters follow or at least have certain sympathies for Start so you’d be in good company.. What I would say is that Start could be in for a very difficult 2010, so by deciding to follow them you could be inviting much misery upon yourself.
On Rosenborg I suggest you take the Norwegian approach: Support them half-heartedly when they play in Europe and dislike them half-heartedly when they play in the league. Vålerenga and Brann are both well supported, so you’d have plenty of brethren if you follow them, but they’re also both generally disliked by everyone else.
I’d also mention Aalesund. Charming club, entertainingly outspoken manager, lovely city ( http://andrebrink.book.co.za/files/2008/09/aalesund.JPG ). They’ve also had slightly crazy American goalkeeper Adin Brown on the books for the last couple of seasons, even though injuries and an expiring contract means he’ll probably leave this winter (fun interview here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMGSeGDepWg ).
Actually, Molde play Aalesund in the cup-final in about two weeks(ish). Maybe you could do a bit of shameless bandwagon-jumping and support whoever wins?
26. October 2009 at 7:58 pm
A completely useless “guide” to pick your poison:
Aalesund is all that Lars mentioned, but also known for playing rather boring (and allegedly somewhat thuggish), but occassionally effective football. The reason this is rather obvious, though: Being that they don’t have the kind of budget to buy the best players, it’s mostly a case of “when life gives you lemons, yell at them so that they win enough matches”, an approach that seems to suit Rekdal just fine.
Lyn is in fact -not- incredibly bad. The first half against Odd just now, they showed some marvelous attacking spirit, with only small margins not making them getting a couple of goals. And that has mostly been their tune this year: Playing equal or even a bit better, but still only getting draws and losses. OK, that is bad, but they’re a bloody young team, and many of their players have a pretty good potential. Only a few years back, they were even close to actually winning the whole league, until the board decided to mess the club up entirely.
Bodø/Glimt, Tromsø, FFK and Odd are mainly the “local’s teams”, meaning that their main appeal are for the people growing up in each club’s respective towns.
I suppose Godset also belongs in this category, but also earns a bit of the “eternal underdog” that many people like. They’ll probably keep that status even if they win 3 seasons in a row. Plus, charming, calm manager that doesn’t want to play the “let’s say the most outrageous thing to get media time” game. Unless it’s about stripping.
Stabæk can be a potentially entertaining team, but their first five years in the Tippeliga had a really big “trying too hard” feeling about it, and even now, it’s not considerered entirely kosher to like them even at their best (which is in fact pretty damn good; pity they don’t do it more often). Fortunately, this will probably slowly fade away as we see less and less of Ingebrit Steen Jensen for each year.
Vålerenga, Brann, Viking and LSK are all filthy teams that nobody in their right mind should support.
26. October 2009 at 10:25 pm
There’s a fairly decent chance that Adin Brown may retire after Sunday’s match. It depends on how badly his injuries have hampered his play. I hope he sticks it out though.
I started following Norwegian football this year (as an American) and enjoy the Tippe but have a soft spot in my heart for those teams in the Adecco, particularly Alta. They play in an arena that looks just like the Ector County Coliseum in Odessa, TX where I saw Kiss, Ratt and Tesla in concert. Ahhh, memories.
Twitter: fjordball
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27. October 2009 at 12:23 am
Very sad that about Adin Brown, I talked to him once back when I did the YA-thing and he seemed a really nice guy. Could have been a monster of a goalkeeper if it hadn’t been for the injuries..
27. October 2009 at 1:03 am
Aha, thanks for the tips, guys. The only club not mentioned by anyone is Sandefjord. They must be so boring that nobody can remember them, even when specifically trying to remember the boring teams so you can say “These teams are boring”. (Like Middlesbrough or Bochum)
And Lillestrom are only mentioned in order to refer to vague evil qualities. There was also an intriguing post earlier, claiming that Stromsgodset play in the ugliest area of any team.
I should also say that Stabaek have absolutely the best uniforms. But there have been virtually nothing interesting about them written here, although they were defending champs and seem like a glamour sort of team.
Will the Molde-Aalesund fina.l be streaming anywhere? Both teams seem appealing, and yet they hate each other, right?
The last video game I played was FIFA 2002 or 2003, and both Molde and Moss were included. “What the heck kind of league is this?” I thought. “Are Soil and Compost in the second division?”
27. October 2009 at 2:14 am
I also forgot Rosenborg and Start, make of that what you will.
Well, actually, I figured everyone had heard about the former already. RBK is after all, the only Norwegian club who’s done anything really worthwhile outside the borders, even though it’s been a goooood while since last time.
Sandefjord, to my knowledge, doesn’t play particularly boring, and they have a keeper with some major talent in him, a talent that’s already spotted him a place in the National Squad (if not the starting line yet). But if I were to place them anywhere, it’d be in the “locals” and “underdog” categories. They managed to actually come back from 0-2 against RBK to draw them. Only Start (to my knowledge) has done equal or better, and Start needed severe help from RBK and a confusing situation that forced the referee to make a strange decision.
And Drammen is indeed one of the ugliest cities in Norway. Which, considering how most of our cities look like outside the tourist spots, is a pretty damn good achievement. Or bad achievement. Either way.
Molde – Aalesund is a fairlty healthy local rivalry. They make the most of it when they meet each other, but unlike, say VIF and LSK, I don’t think they hate each other as such.
If you’re interested, other rivalries include:
Brann and Viking
Brann and Rosenborg
LSK and Rosenborg (though mainly for historical reasons these days)
Molde and Rosenborg
VIF and pretty much everyone else. But -especially- LSK.
Odd and Sandefjord (one that is happily ignored by everyone outside those teams, and even some people within… Not sure why I put it here, really)
Tromsø and Bodø-Glimt
FFK and Sarpsborg are also local rivals, so those upcoming qualifying matches will have a good amount of extra nerve. And if Haugesund gets their Tippeliga ticket, they will immediately start savouring the idea of beating Viking to a pulp.